Dating Your Friends

What a strange way of thinking about that, right? So often, my husband & I joke that we feel like we’re “dating” our couple friends… What outfits should we wear? Are these bars hip enough for them? Oh no, clean the house. Remember to bring up that sports game….

It’s funny. I thought I stopped dating when I snagged my hubs 5 years ago {what how has it been that long}, but then I honestly learned that as an adult, you begin to “date” your friends… & even more so, those elusive couple friends.

Couple Friends: a married/engaged/really solid couple where both individuals equally get along with the dynamics of your own relationship, no matter the combination. i.e. Husband 1 & Husband 2, Husband 1 & Wife 2, Wife 1 & Husband 2 & finally Wife 1 & Wife 2. All four members of said couple friendship ideally should get along to make it work. What a daunting task, right?

More often when we’ve began our quest of the ultimate friends as a married couple, either I find women I love but hubs can’t stand their men, or the converse… It’s exhausting… Which is why we were relieved when we realized that the role of friends can fill many different hats. So often, I turn to one of my girlfriends for advice, another for a good time out, another to relive college, another to help me feel young again & so on… That should apply to couple friends too, right? In my opinion, they don’t have to be the perfect combination all the time. We have a pair of friends who we turn to for advice, a set when we want to have a fun night out & another when we want to relax & be homey. It’s funny though, because we are also those different things to each of our friends as well. I think that as life goes on, friends & relationships fill many roles & you all change/improve together. That’s the beauty of surrounding yourself with many flavors of friendships… turning to each for their strengths & helping with the weaknesses, just like in a romantic relationship.

Well what if, heaven forbid, just like in the dating world, your couple friends find another set of couple friends… hang in there with me, okay? So you find a set of friends that are compatible to your relationship, the style you like to go out, what food you all agree on, etc. But then they find another set of friends. O H   T H E   H U M A N I T Y. Now there’s pressure for all three to get along equally. Do you see the dilemma? And what if they hang out with their new friends more because they like to go out when lately you just want to binge the Bachelor with pizza & wine!? See how this can start a landslide of dating anxiety just like with relationships & battling to be the best bff? It’s exhausting. 144d54e65f765f0b159cfb45498f123c06c91898c19fece1086f02f77ead4213

It’s funny, but true. The concept of couple friends makes me laugh but I’m finding that it’s really essential to a grown up relationship. So often I remember my parents having this close knit group of couple friends where they literally did everything together… including raising kids around the same time. We were all inseparable as kids because our parents laid the foundation of friendship with each of their parents. Pretty cool concept…

To complete this thought, Hubs & I realized that we can’t just be stagnant friends as adults. Those relationships eventually fell off & moved on. In order for us to really create lasting friendships, we have to put in the effort. Taking the initiative to ask about work, life, pets & home so that the relationship goes farther than just what sports game is on. Remembering job interviews coming up & being a friend throughout the whole week, not just the weekend. Even planning small getaways as couples to explore new cities & have mini vacations… Much like you would while dating someone new. Weird.

Be the friends that they turn to for advice, or a good time. The friends that encourage, remember hard times & remind them of how far they’ve progressed… Rejoice in the good, mourn with them in the bad & problem solve through to the better. Be there. Be present. Be a great friend… Because how do you expect to find those “F.R.I.E.N.D.S.” or “HIMYM” type relationships without putting in the effort?


I guess the moral of this post is that it’s true… Hubs & I are “dating” our friends. We’re constantly trying to make sure we haven’t become stagnant & always making sure that the effort is both ways… “Hey come over to our house, we’ll come to you next weekend.” “Hey, let’s make dinner in this time, we’ll bring the wine.” “Hey, there’s a new restaurant we want to try out, you in?” But that’s not such a wild concept, because you should honestly never stop dating your significant other. Yes, you get comfortable & in routine, but you should always try to spice things up & keep things exciting. Translate that to friendships & you have a recipe for successful relationships in all areas, whether couples or not.

With the prospect of exciting job opportunities looming, new places to settle down & newer challenges, we’re glad we have such a strong support system of friends. Some are close, while others live farther away but it gives me hope that wherever we end up settling down, we’ll still be able to keep those we hold dear… All because we took that extra time & effort to really “date” our friends & got to know that they’re here for the long haul. If that’s what comes from “dating” your friends, than I suggest you try it.

x -A

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